Friday, November 14, 2008

My Own Bailout

It has become apparent that the government has so much money they are now willing to dole it out to almost anyone that asks. So after some soul searching I have determined that I to must now apply to that government for a federal bailout. I have in the past made business decisions that many would consider on par with the management of the big three automobile manufactures, which of course means stupid.

In retrospect perhaps I can see now that the Super Deluxe Fire Eating Red Ant Farm was not going to be the comeback toy of the year in 2007. However I went with my gut and now am stuck with over six thousand of them in my basement. Big three, I can feel your pain. My ant farm inventory in not unlike your automobile inventory. They are both old in style and function and lets face it, who really wants one. I now see the ant's are the Chevy Vega of toys, except more dependable.

I did however look at the changing landscape, just as the big three did, and felt sure that the etch and sketch was going to make a big comeback in the first quarter of 2008. I reasoned that after playing on the computers and PS3 all day the young children of America would enjoy the fun and excitement of creating panoramic pictures using of course, only straight lines. How sure was I of this? I have seventeen thousand of them stashed all over my house. That's how sure I was. I feel just like the designers of the Ford 500. You remember that new and exciting automobile. It was going to change Ford. They sold less than a thousand of them after producing ten's of thousands of them. It was on the market for about a year. It did however, do as promise and helped change Ford. It gave them that giant push they needed to surpass GM on the road to bankruptcy.

I understand that many would say that this is a mess we created and we should not be bailed out. However, that kind of thinking is not going to help me get rid of the sixteen thousand Love Boat figurines currently stashed in my shed or the fifteen thousand stretchable action figures now filling my attic. Lets not consider it a bailout, but rather simply throwing money away. Like we used to when the economy was good.

This is why I appeal to the US Government to assist me and supply me with the much needed cash to reorganize my business and to retool for the future. I have exciting offerings and promise to do better. After all, do you know how much money it is going cost to market my brand new almost perfected (sorry Mr Fluffy) automatic microwave pet dryer? You can mail the check to.....

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